


Boyfriend Syndrome

by Epic_and_Kitty



Category: Underlust - Fandom, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Underlust (Undertale), Attempted Sexual Assault, Blackmail, Chubby Reader, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake Dating, Grillby is a great dad, Grillby is an amazing boss, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Reader is AFAB - Freeform, Reader works at Monster Hooters, Sans is a huge dork of a man, Sexual Assault, The skeleton brothers have sisters, give me a heads up if something needs tagging, hence the canon divergence, its underlust what do you expect?, more tags to be added later, past sansby, reader is a waitress, reader uses she/her pronouns, this is my personal version of Underlust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26031985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Epic_and_Kitty/pseuds/Epic_and_Kitty
Summary: It should have been a normal shift on a normal day.Itshouldhave been.Now you're fake dating a skeleton and you may have a stalker on your hands...
Relationships: Muffet/Papyrus (Underlust), Muffet/Papyrus (Undertale), Sans (Undertale)/Reader, Sans(Underlust)/Reader
Comments: 19
Kudos: 118





	1. Daily Grind And Then Some

**Author's Note:**

> Before you ask, yes, Succubus Blues is still being made, its just on a minor hiatus because I have been looking at chapter 4 for months and can't write shit. So for now, i hope you enjoy this fic while I get my shit together.
> 
> This is based off my own personal version of Underlust, so there's gonna be a lot of deviation from canon. Just warning you now.
> 
> I was really inspired to write this and wrote most of it in a single go, so I hope you all are as excited for this as I am!
> 
> Please enjoy and if you like it, leave a comment!

It should have been a normal shift on a normal day.

It _should_ have been.

It did start normally, at first. Getting up late afternoon, you did your usual routine. Got a shower, ate a meal, procrastinated your chores with a video binge, actually did them and then got ready for your late shift at Grillby's. You took a bus to the two story restaurant and had headed down stairs to the employees locker room to change into your skimpy uniform, passing by an irate Grillby arguing with a regular - nothing new, especially with Carl - so you didn't think twice as you slipped past behind the bar and through the kitchen to get there. 

You exited the locker rooms and grabbed a tablet and pen, ready for the usual rush of drunk horny humans and monsters that you usually got on your usual Friday night shift. You sat people down, took their orders and bantered with the regulars as they gradually trickled in.

Pearl stopped you on your way back to the kitchen with your table's orders, her usually perky ears pinned back in annoyance while her fluffy tail puffed out and flicked angrily.

"Stay away from Carl today, he's been tossing pennies at the dancers and groping anything alive and female." The venom dripping off her words as she glared at Carl's table told you she had been on his grope list at least once today, and that was already once too many. 

You sighed, asking "What's his genius excuse this time?"

Pearl growled, rolling her eyes and gritting her fangs.

"The usual mix between 'I'm a man with needs' and 'if you didn't want it, why are being nice and wearing **that** ' bullshit. You know him." 

You nodded and headed back to the kitchen as the head cook impatiently shouted at you for the next order. You certainly did know him.

Carl was the middle aged son of a local CEO who expected everything to be given to him on a silver platter and made a stink when he wasn't given what he thought he deserved. When he was banned originally, he threw a temper tantrum at his father who blackmailed Grillby into unbanning him by threatening to take down the strip club resturant and the family friendly one up stairs that Grillby's daughter Fuku ran for "copyright reasons". Carl had recently been acting like he owned the damn place and began harassing both Grillby and your coworkers with nonconsentual touches and insults, among some of the other things. He had even gone as far as cornering Fuku demanding she sleep with him or he'd have his father buy out both resturants and bankrupt her father with court cases and fees. 

He had only stopped harassing the poor elemental after he had noticed you, and had made it his mission in life to try and force you into a relationship with him. Every shift you were out on the floor, Carl had made sure to request you to wait his table (you refused), tried to make you jealous by bringing in _**very**_ young women and draping himself over them (fucking _eww_ ) and by attempting to grope you every chance he got. Grillby had made you work in the kitchen as much as he could after that had started. He even had tried to get you to transfer to the family friendly restaurant upstairs in the hopes that if Carl followed you, a Karen would complain loud enough to get him tossed out and maybe have a court case against him 

But you wanted to stay in the basement lounge, it was the best job you had ever had and you weren't going to let some occasional creep keep you from it. You got paid better wages than even high end waitresses and had a full insurance plan here, which is less than you could say about your office job back in your home town. But more importantly, this job let you be open with your sexuality. Most monster businesses were like this, from your understanding, because of the culture that they had underground, but you loved working with the others and especially Grillby. He had taken you under his proverbial wing after you had moved to Ebott City. You didn't want to leave such a good place because of someone who only came in twice a week. 

A loud cheer of "SANS!" made you look up from the meal you had placed on the table and turn your head towards the staircase entrance, reminding you of the other reason(s) you stayed at the lounge. 

"Hey Sansy! How's it going for ya?" 

The skeleton in question turns and gives you a dashing smile, his large fluffy cape bouncing along with his suave body language. He struts up to you in a few long strides and toys with your chin as he smirks. 

" _much_ better, now that I know your here tonight." He coos seductively, giving you an over exaggerated grin. You playfully smack his hand away, giving him a look. 

"You know better than to touch the merchandise, Sans." You quip, and Sans puts an arm to his forehead, cranking his dramatics up to eleven. 

"oh dear, i forgot you would break from so much as a nose boop, please do forgive me." He bows deep and flails his arm around in a circle as you giggle at his antics. 

"Cut the crap and get to your regular spot and I'll take your order shortly." You point to his spot at the bar and he glides towards it with a soft chuckle. 

"of course, my lady, i shall count the seconds until your return!" 

You cover your mouth and snort, missing the starry eyes Sans has in reaction to your mirth. You finish putting down the food for this table and head back to the kitchen to make Sans' usual drink, a Bloody Mary made with ketchup rather than tomato juice. As you slide behind the bar, you hear a loud attempt of a whisper from Carl. 

"Oh! So a _monster_ can touch you, but when _I_ do, _I'm_ an assh-" 

"Shut the fuck up, Carl." You and Grillby say in tandem, sharing a grimace between yourselves. 

You begin whipping up a Bloody Mary for Sans, making sure to fill a second glass with just the fancy spicy ketchup he liked. Disgusting, but hey, he would always drink it, so none of it was wasted. 

You didn't really know Sans as well as the rest of the monster lounge guests, but then again, he made every one so comfortable around him you might as well have known him as well as anyone there. You might also have a bit of a crush on him, but from the escapades he would tell, you figured he wasn't much of a committed relationship kind of guy, so you kept those feelings to yourself and your diary. And you weren't sure how Grillby would feel about you dating a customer, especially Sans, since they apparently had a rather spicy history together. Grillby had a human wife now, but you weren't ready to get on the fire elemental's bad side by dating his previous, and apparently very close ex. 

You trotted back to Sans from behind the bar and slid the two glasses to him. He started a bit, blinking rapidly in confusion. 

"i haven't ordered my drink yet." 

You roll your eyes, giving him a look. "Would you have ordered anything else?" 

Sans looked at you with a pout. "well i might have!" 

"Then what, pray tell, would you have ordered?" 

He opened and closed his mouth several times before looking away sheepishly to sip the Bloody Mary. You grinned triumphantly at him before pulling out the pad of paper from your apron. 

"Now, Mr. Smartass, what do you want to eat?" 

He chuckled and gave you his order (spicy buffalo wings and a side of fries), which you hurried to the kitchen to get before heading off to sit more guests down. 

The night was still going normally, but that would soon change. 

You were coming back from a table with their orders and heading back to the kitchen. Unfortunately, you made the mistake of passing by Carl's table. As you did, a hand pulled your shirt back roughly, making you stumble back and fall. You were caught, unfortunately, by Carl, who took this opportunity to sneak a hand under your crop top to painfully squeeze your breast. 

"Now that I have your attention, babe, how about a kiss for your rescuer?" 

He puckered up and leaned down, but you pulled your arm back and punched him square in the nose. He dropped you like a sack of potatoes, making you slam your head onto the floor hard. 

The next few things happened very fast. There was a paw pulling you back to your feet as the entire lounge erupted into shouts and screams. You feel an inferno rush past as Grillby grabbed Carl by the collar and began shouting as his fishnet shirt burned away in his anger. 

"What the hell do you think you were doing to one of my girls, Carl?!" 

"She fell, so I-" 

"LIKE HELL SHE FELL YOU CREEPY BASTARD!" 

Grillby's hand slapped into the table, burning a hand shaped scorch mark into the fancy wood. He pulled his fist back, only for another regular, a giant dog, to hold him back. The dog yipped several times, and Grillby growled, but dropped Carl unceremoniously to the ground. 

"Get the fuck out of my restaurant, Carl, and don't you dare ever come back, if you know whats good for you." 

Carl scrambled back up, pointing a finger at him. 

"How dare you treat me like this! My father'll-" 

"FUCK YOUR FATHER, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH! I'LL FIGHT WHATEVER BULLSHIT HE TRIES TO PULL WITH VIDEO!" He points to a video camera pointed straight at Carl's table. "I'm sick and tired of your blackmail bullshit, if you come near me, my workers or my family ever again I'll make sure it's the last fucking thing you ever do!" 

He pointed to a pair of dogs in black cloaks, who stood up the moment he pointed at them. 

"Dogamy, Dogressa, take this fucking trash out of my building, and make sure he doesn't get anywhere near Fuku." 

The dogs obeyed and grabbed Carl, kicking and screaming, out of the lounge. He turned back to you, holding onto Pearl as you tried to calm yourself down. He said your name and pointed to the kitchen. He spoke in a strained voice. 

"Go take your break, hun." 

You blinked, shaking your head, still in shock at what just happened. 

"But I've only been working an hour-" 

"GO TAKE-" Grillby took a deep breath as you flinched at his shout, pinching what you suspected was the bridge of his nose. "Please, just- go take out the trash and get some fresh air, ok? Please..." 

You nodded, not wanting to test Grillby's patience. You unraveled yourself from Pearl's arms and marched to the back of the kitchen. Everything was strangely quiet now as you took the only two full bags and walked up the stairs to the alley behind the restaurant. The cold crisp winter air stung your face as you crunched thru a small layer of snow, blandly thinking that you should have brought a jacket. 

_Too late for that now_ , you thought dryly as you flung the trash into the dumpster one by one. 

You sighed, breathing in some of the fresh crisp air, glad that it wasn't snowing at this exact moment, or you'd have to probably go back in. The cold was slightly uncomfortable, but you weren't going to freeze. 

You stayed in the cool air for a few more minutes, then turned to open the door to go back inside, only to be stopped by an all too familiar voice. 

"I'm still waiting for that kiss, babe..." 

You whirl around to see Carl there, quietly stand just a few feet from you. You feel your heart drop, noticing one hand in the pocket of his jeans. He's closer to the door than you are at the moment. 

Crap. You shouldn't have let your guard down so easily. 

You make a dash for the door, only for Carl to get there first, grinning smugly. He pulled the object from his pocket, and you knew it was a pocket knife as he snapped it open. 

You were stuck, and Carl knew it. His grin got wider. 

You opened your mouth to scream, only for no noise to come out. Carl chuckled, spinning the knife between his fingers. 

"Now we can do this the easy way or the _**hard way**_. Either you give me that kiss, or..." He chuckled as he poked his finger with the knife, blood dripping onto the white snow. 

"I don't want to hurt you, but you honestly need to be taught a lesson-" 

A sudden voice made both of you jump. 

"my love! there you are! we've all been waiting for you inside! come on, you'll catch your death out here!" 

It was Sans. He strode over to you confidently, throwing a strong arm around your shoulder and breaking you out of your freeze of a fear response. You look up at him and he flashes you a bright shining smile and a look that seems to scream "play along, _please_ ". 

Carl sneers at Sans, pointing the knife at him. 

"Buzz off, savage, you're in the way of my future wife." 

Sans looks surprised, then bursts into laughter. 

"future wife? hah! this lovely little thing is _**my**_ girlfriend, not yours!" 

As if to prove it, Sans bends down and kisses your forehead. You freeze again, but not of fear or cold. In fact, you're very warm now. 

Carl takes several steps forward, brandishing the knife wildly. 

"Come on babe, I'm better than any whore of a monster could be." 

You flinch and instinctively grab onto Sans, who holds you closer. There's something dangerous in his voice. 

"Buddy, I don't think she's interested in you, so scamper off." 

Carl gets within two feet of you and Sans, pointing the knife at him. 

"I always get what I want, no matter what I have to do to get it." 

There's a flash of red light as Sans holds you closer, his fingertips digging into your shoulder. Carl jumps, dropping the knife and rapidly backing up. 

"What the FUCK?!" 

Sans' voice is hollow and echoey as the red light gets brighter. You try to find the source, only for Sans to hide your face in his fluffy cape. 

" **B u d d y, l e a r n t o t a k e a h i n t** " 

At that moment the door slams open to reveal Grillby, a jacket in his arms and anger in the white voids of his eyes, the light snow melting at his feet. 

"GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PROPERTY, CARL, YOU CREEPY LITTLE FUCK!" 

Carl runs, slipping and sliding on the snow, screaming in terror. Grillby strides after him, then thinks better of it. He heads towards you and Sans, handing you the jacket. You grab it and pull it on, noticing that the red light is gone. You look up at Sans, blushing. 

"Thanks, Sans..." 

Sans chuckles and pats your shoulder awkwardly. "dont worry about it, love." 

You smile at each other awkwardly, until Grillby breaks the silence. 

" _Sooooo_ , when were you going to tell me that you two were dating?" 

You both swivel your heads over to Grillby, spluttering. 

"Wh-what? No! We're not-!" 

"we aren't -!" 

Grillby waves off your sputtering, chuckling. 

"Look, you don't have to hide your relationship from me, I ain't gonna be mad! In fact I've suspected this for quite awhile." 

"I swear that's not-!" 

"I'm not going to fire you for dating my old boyfriend!" Grillby chuckles harder. "In fact, y'all have my blessings!" 

He elbows Sans hard in the purple ecto flesh of his chest while giving you a cheeky grin. "You treat this man right, ya hear? He may act like an airheaded twat-" 

"-hey-!" 

"-but he's the biggest sweetSOUL this side of Mount Ebbot." 

Grilby chuckles hardily, then sighs softly. 

"Look hun, why don't you take a long weekend to clear your head? I'll give you paid leave, just call me when you are ready to come back." 

"But-" 

"Don't try to come back until at least Thursday, you need a good long break after tonight." He turns to Sans. "You can take her home, right?" 

Sans blinks several times before shaking himself and nodding. 

"o-of course grillbs! was planning on doing it tonight anyway!" He waves his hand around with a chuckle, pointedly looking away from everyone. 

You open your mouth to refuse, but think better of it. You would feel safer with someone close by rather than head home by yourself at the moment. And maybe pretending to be Sans' girlfriend would keep creeps like Carl off your back for a bit, considering how afraid he had been when that red light showed up. 

You still had no idea what that was. It couldn't have been Sans. His magic was clearly purple, not red. Come to think of it, you didn't know of any monsters with red magic. Weird.... 

Grillby opens the door, and you find yourself gently whisked back inside to change back into street clothes and get your stuff. When you left the locker room, Sans was waiting just outside. He awkwardly swung his arm out, then swung it back abruptly. You squinted at him, then realized what he was after. You chuckled and grabbed his hand, which seemed to startle him for a second, before he let out a pompous chuckle and gripped your hand much more firmly. 

You headed back into the lounge, which was eerily quiet as everyone watched you both head to the stairs. You felt like their eyes were boring into you, you quickly looked to the ground with a flushed face. You jumped at a paw on your shoulder, only to calm down when you realized it was just Pearl. The rest of the wait staff and dancers stood a few feet away, looking worried but obviously not wanting to crowd you. Pearl gave you a sad smile before wrapping you in a gentle hug. 

"Please be safe, hun. Please..." 

You give an awkward one armed hug back. 

"Don't worry about me Pearl, I'll be fine. I promise." 

She nods and pulls back, gives you an awkward smile and scurries off back to the rest of the staff, who you give a wave to. Most return it. 

Sans leads you up the stairs, which you find difficult as you keep knocking your knees together out of nerves. When you reach the top of the stairs, a worried Fuku greets you. 

"Oh dear, are you ok? I saw them kick him out I didn't think he'd come back! I'm so sorry, we should have escorted you out and-" 

You hold up your hand gently, essentially shushing her worried rambling. 

"It's okay, Fuku, I'm fine, I promise. Just a little shaken. Don't worry yourself over me." 

She still seems worried, but nods all the same, glancing up at Sans. 

"Please keep her safe Sans!" 

Sans pulls you closer to him, nodding. 

"of course. don't worry about her." 

She nods and hurries to open the door for you. As you leave, you notice that it's snowing now. It's a lot colder now, and you shiver. Sans lets go of your hand to take off his cape and plop it over your shoulders. You hold it close and suddenly you are a lot warmer than you were. 

He leads you to his car, a fancy red hot rod and opens the door to let you in. You quickly get inside and buckle up, feeling incredibly awkward. He gets inside, buckles up and starts the car, not saying a word. 

The silence is too much for you, so you break it awkwardly as he leaves the parking lot. 

"Never really saw you as a hot rod kind of guy, heheh." 

He shrugs. 

"it's my bro's, i just borrowed it. usually don't drive if i can help it." 

"Ahh." Is your only response. 

The car gets quiet again, save for the occasional rattling sound. You weren't sure if it was the car or Sans. He gets to a red light and stops. He takes a deep breath and the rattling stops. He turns to you and starts to speak rapidly. 

"looki'mreallysorryaboutkissingyou, itwastheonlythingicouldthinkofand-" 

You giggle and stop him. 

"Dude, chill, it's fine. I didn't have much of a plan either, the boyfriend plan probably was the best way to go anyway." 

He lets out a deep breath again, and turns to you to giggle. 

"still, probably not the best plan to touch you after, you know..." 

You shrug. 

"Probably wouldn't have been able to sell it if you hadn't. You _are_ naturally really touchy." 

He blinks, and opens his mouth to say something before a loud honk surprises both of you. He moves the car forward, squeaking the wheels a bit. 

The drive continues in silence, but it's much less awkward. He occasionally speaks up to ask where to turn, but that's as much conversation you get until it's over and you're back at your apartment. 

You don't want to go inside alone. You... 

You really don't want to be alone tonight. 

You turn to Sans, unable to keep the fear or panic out of your voice. 

"Please don't leave me alone tonight." 

He glances at you with worry. 

"are you sure?" 

You nod. 

"I don't want to be alone tonight, especially after what happened..." 

You look down, fiddling with your hands. You feel his hand on your back through the cape and look up at his half grin. 

"as you wish, love." 


	2. And Then They Banged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't actually bang, everyone just assumes you did.
> 
> Also fuck Carl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I can't count my weekdays at the ripe old age of 26 apparently!
> 
> Trigger warning for some slight paranoia and for Carl being a manipulative fuckwad
> 
> Hope you enjoy and please leave a comment! They make me feel good!

You awoke to a buzzing on your thigh. Groggily, you slap at your thigh to stop it, and went that doesn't work, you slap and rummage across your nightstand for your phone. When you finally recognize the familiar shape with your fingers as the buzzing stops, you grab it and tap the screen, finally opening your eyes to look.

You....

You have no missed calls, just a few game and email notifications and a couple new texts.

That was weird...

You check your phone again, now checking the current time.

Who in the fuck was trying to contact you at 5am?!

You decide quickly that you're going back to sleep, but just as your eyes close and you feel yourself drift off, the buzzing starts again, right at your thigh. You sit up fast, feeling all over your body, only for the buzzing to somehow disappear. You sit up for a few seconds, dumbfounded in your barely awake state, before flopping back onto your bed with an aggravated groan. The buzzing was gone again.

You close your eyes.

You drift...

It's on your ass now.

You shoot back up, glaring all around as the buzzing again disappeared. But as you look around for who is fucking with you this damn early, you notice the weight and softness around your shoulders. You look down to see Sans' huge fluffy cape wrapped around you. 

You blink, confused.

And then you remember last night.

Sans had given you the cape because it was cold as he took you home. He had come inside with you because you were too afraid after the incident with Carl to go inside alone.

And then...

Nothing...

You couldn't remember a damn thing after.

Absently, and maybe fueled a bit by paranoia, you glance into the waste basket next to your bed.

Nothing but tissues and used over the counter period pain medication packaging.

_No condoms_

You rubbed your thighs together. No wetness, nothing sticky. You pulled open the cape (it looked big and impressive on Sans, but absolutely _dwarfed_ you).

You were still wearing the street clothes you had changed into last night, nothing was undone.

And then you shook your head at your paranoia, chuckling slightly.

You didn't know Sans that well, but, something inside you told you that he wouldn't have taken advantage of you.

You don't know _why_ you know this.

You just _do_.

You decide to prove it to your paranoid delusions, getting out of bed to ask Sans yourself. He shouldn't have left, right?

You stretch a bit as you walk to where you think Sans might be. You had a pretty big comfy couch, one of the few things that you had brought with you from...

You firmly shake your head. No need to go down that particular unpleasant memory lane right now. 

Or ever again.

You get to the living room where the couch is, only to find no Sans. There was a crumpled old afghan at the end of the couch, so he had definitely made himself a nest here at some point. You nibble your lip, racking your brain for ideas.

_Something..._

Something smells _really_ good.

You turn to your kitchen, noting a pan in the sink you dont remember using, and a plate on the attached island, covered in a dome of sparkling purple magic(?).

You walk over, noticing a note right next to it. You pick it up and look it over.

_hey, so, uh,  
i was gonna wait for you to wake up, but then i remembered that paps needs his car for work, and he gets up way too early for it to be reasonable, so imma go get his car back to him. i made you breakfast and might have used up some of the last of some of your stuff, but i'll pay you back when you come back to grillby's. stay safe_

_sans_

_p.s. i might have ripped a hole in your blanket i'm sorry_

_p.p.s also i think you might have left your mace behind last night, noticed it had rolled under something, put it next to the door for ya._

You blinked at the note, then sighed.

At least you had some food you didn't have to make.

You sit at the island, intending to eat and go back to bed.

Your ass is buzzing again.

It just now dawns on you that Sans' cape might have pockets in it.

You rub a hand down the front and sure enough, you hit a pocket on the breast. In fact, the entire thing seemed to be made of pockets.

Buzzing still going strong, you dig through the pockets closest to the buzzing. You find a bunch of things; hot sauce packets, mayo(?) packets, old condoms, a joy buzzer shaped like a dick, several sticky hands on strings, a die with an indeterminate amount of sides and -

"Aha! Found ya, ya little shit!"

The buzzing had stopped once you found Sans' phone, but thankfully it was open and took you little to no time to pull up recent calls.

_7 missed calls from paps_

Yikes. You really hoped you hadn't gotten Sans in trouble for not answering.

You quickly redialed Paps and held the phone to your ear.

That was probably a mistake.

You winced at the volume on the other end that answered after barely a ring.

"SANS! IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU ANSWERED THE DAMN PHONE, DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU UP FOR?"

Your sleep addled brain couldn't come up with anything more clever than a confused "Uhhhh..."

Congratulations, you, that community college class is doing _wonders_ for your quick-wittedness.

The voice on the other end took a deep breath, probably to start yelling again, but stalled a bit as you trailed off. He came back, much less loud and a bit sheepish.

"WAIT A MINUTE, YOU'RE NOT SANS..."

"Not since I last checked."

Oh _**so**_ clever, you.

Paps seemed confused as he asked the next most obvious question.

"THEN WHY DID YOU ANSWER HIS PHONE?" 

You fiddle with the cape draped over your shoulders as you answer, making more noise than you intended.

"He left his... cape? Jacket? Whatever it is, he left here when he went to drop off your car."

"OH, WELL THEN, THAT MAKES SENSE- WAIT! WHY WAS HE AT YOUR PLACE? WHO ARE YOU?"

You flounder a bit, rustling the cape thing as you held it closed across your chest.

"I - uh - I work at Grillby's, he dropped me off after....after an incident last night and I invited him in-"

Paps interrupted, still suspicious.

"WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

You had nothing to hide (and you were still kinda sleep stupid), so you mentioned your first name. This seemed to perk Paps up.

"OH, SO _YOU'RE_ THE HUMAN HE'S BEEN TALKING TO FOR STARS KNOW HOW LONG! I ASSUME YOU CONSUMMATED LAST NIGHT! THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!"

Not to you it didn't!

"Excuse me? What?!"

There's a pompous "NYEH HEH HEH!" on the other end that answers absolutely nothing. 

"What the hell does 'consummated' even mean in this context?!"

Paps chuckles before stating "IT MEANS YOU TWO BANGED!"

You splutter.

"W-we did n-not-!"

From the sound on the other end, you have to assume Paps is waving your protests away.

"OH NO NEED TO BE COY, MY FRIEND! WE'RE ALL ADULTS, WE CAN SPEAK OF HANKY PANKY WITHOUT ANY FUSS!"

You find yourself spluttering out a very normal phrase of "No one hankied any pankies!"

Several female voices on the other end speak up faintly.

"Dude, Who Banged?"

"Who banged, dearie?"

"SANS DID! I'M SPEAKING TO THE LUCKY HUMAN RIGHT NOW!"

"There was no banging!" You shout into the phone, but it apparently falls on deaf ears (...do skeletons even have ears?)

Not that semantics would really matter, seeing (hearing?) as the next sound from the other side was a loud cheer followed by an almighty crash. Papyrus began to shout again, and even as you held the phone away from your ear you could hear the conversation clearly.

"DEAREST SISTER, DO NOT LAUNCH ELECTRIC GUITARS THROUGH SANS' BEDROOM DOOR, PLEASE! I'LL HAVE TO FIX THAT LATER!"

"So I Can Launch An Acoustic Guitar Through Your Bedroom Door Then?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Does 'Everything' Count?"

"what the absolute fuck, dude? my door!"

"SANS, WHY ARE YOU NOT AT YOUR DEAR HUMANS PLACE CONTINUING TO WOO HER?"

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"YOUR HUMAN! SHE CALLED BECAUSE YOU LEFT YOUR COAT AND PHONE AT HER ABODE. WHICH, WHILE SOMEWHAT ROMANTIC I'LL ADMIT, IS NOT PROPER DATING ETIQUETTE! YOU MUST GREET HER AS THE SUN RISES AND SENDS RAYS THROUGH THE WINDO-"

"Dearie, don't dictate how he should date, let him go at his own pace."

There's a shocked gasp and Papyrus sounds upset. 

"YOUR RIGHT, MUFFIN! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO CALLOUS AND CONTROLLING?"

"bro, i still have no idea what your talking about-"

You clear your throat loudly, which seems to get Papyrus' attention. All you wanted to do was return the damn cape and its contents, not have everyone assure you that you had sex that you _know_ you did not have.

"Look, Papyrus, right? I -"

He gasped at his name excitedly, and you couldn't find it in yourself to be annoyed at him.

"SANS! YOUR MATE KNOWS MY NAME! OH HOW EXCITING -"

You and "Muffin" speak in unison.

"Papyrus, focus."

There's a pause, then a rather sheepish "NYEH HEH, SORRY, CONTINUE."

You chuckle beside yourself.

"I just want to return the cape and its contents, but Grillby's is out for a bit. Any idea when I can do that?"

"OH! I CAN DRIVE HIM BACK! AND THEN YOU TWO CAN CONTINUE WHERE YOU-"

"Dearie, you have work in like fifteen minutes."

"RIGHT, SHOOT!"

There's a rustle and "Muffin's" voice gets a bit louder. 

"Hello, dearie, Muffet speaking! Why don't you meet Sans at my shop? I'm sure Grillby has mentioned where it is, my food is _much_ better than his and he knows it. Surely he's told his worker's of the better competition."

Ahh, so _this_ was the Muffet Grillby had talked about. 

...At least now you knew what he meant by 'full of herself to bursting'.

You chuckle awkwardly, scratching your chin.

"No, he hasn't I'm afraid, sorry.."

There's a fake offended gasp from her.

"The absolute cad! And I thought we had something as rivals! The nerve -"

"I DO NEED TO GO TO WORK DEAR, AND I'LL NEED MY PHONE-"

Muffet let out a startled noise, before quickly giving you a time and a directions to her establishment before saying a quick goodbye ( "See you soon, sister mate!" ) and oddly not hanging up, leaving you to hear her and Papyrus' nauseating lovey dovey speak and a very muffled "i still have no idea what's going on, dude..."

You decide to hang up yourself, still too tired to think much. You quickly eat the still hot breakfast left out for you (after tapping the magic dome, it to burst harmlessly) and decide to pass out until you have to really get up for the meeting.

Several hours later, after a shower and a change into something casual, you arrive at Muffet's bakery with the cape draped over your arm. You decide to wait just outside the door, glancing inside the shop at the menu and the line leading outside the door.

You supposed she wasn't exactly lying about being rather successful.

You jump a tad as two young people are tossed out by multiple arms.

"You don't think I can't tell those are fake ID's? No aphrodisiac goods for anyone underage! Do I make myself clear, **dearies**?"

The word seems to be dripping with unspoken threats. The teens glance at each other before quickly trying to save face and flipping her off.

"Fuck your goods, bit-!"

Muffet leans down over them, making sure to smile just wide enough to show off what you assumed (you couldn't quite see her face from this angle) were her teeth.

"Wrong answer, boys." She straightens up turning quickly to yell back inside with a sing song voice.

" _Oh, Cupcake! Lunch time!_ "

You take several steps back as you hear a monstrous roar from the kitchen and it seems to have a similar effect on the teens, who scramble to their feet and run away screaming. She chuckles to herself before noticing you and immediately returning to a professional demeanor.

"No loitering, please! Either get to the back of the line or -"

She pauses and gives you a once over, all five eyes landing on the cape over your arm. Understanding dawns over her features as she gives you a winning smile.

"Oh ho! So _you're_ Sans' human! You're cuter than I imagined! Although," She looks you up and down in an appreciating manner, grinning coyly, "it makes sense for Sans to enjoy a bigger lover."

She wiggles her many eyebrows at you, implying some sort of inside joke you couldn't possibly understand. You start to correct her.

"Look, this is a big misunderstanding, Sans and I-"

She waves you off with a giggle.

"Oh don't worry about Sansy, dearie! He's just running late from a gig, he'll be here soon! Wait out here as long as you need. It'll be good for business if one of Grillby's workers is outside my shop waiting for a hot date!"

She winks at you as she pinches your cheek and starts to head back inside. You try again to clear everything up.

"No, Sans and I aren't-!"

She waves you off again.

"Oh don't _worry_ , dearie! Your first box here will be on the house, its the least I can do for my SOULmate's brother's mate! Ahu-hu-hu!"

And with that, she disappeared back inside, ushering the people and monsters in line with ten percent discounts for the wait.

Did monsters just not know how to listen?

You sigh loudly, adjusting the cape and looking around at the people enjoying their meals outside.

There's an awful lot of monsters, even for a monster based establishment in the middle of Ebbot. Some seem to be glancing at you and whispering amongst themselves. Had they heard you and Muffet? It hadn't been that loud of a conversation and even if it had, Sans was just one monster, it wasn't like they _**all**_ knew who he was.

Then again, monster's were rather few in numbers, especially with what you had heard about their fertility problems underground. It wasn't totally unreasonable that they all at least knew of each other. And Sans seemed like a rather popular guy, at least at Grillby's, and if he was that popular there, who knew how popular he was at other monster centric places?

You started to feel really uncomfortable with all their eyes on you, so you turned your head away, staring at nothing in particular. Despite the weather last night, it was a nice day out. The sun was out, which had melted some of the snow, but for the most part, it was still gathered into piles on the ground and on the awnings all around the business center. All in all, it was a nice day. 

You gave a quick glance around, and it seemed as though no one was looking at you anymore.

You closed your eyes for a bit, taking a deep breath, enjoying the sweet smells from the bakery and the clean snow. It was nice to relax, even if nobody around you was actually listening to what you were trying to say.

Or it _**was**_.

"Hey, you!" 

Your eyes snapped open, dread seeping into you. You quickly looked around and saw Carl, striding towards you quickly. Your heart sank as your brain screamed at your frozen body to run.

_**Fuck, fuck, fuck!**_

_**He's getting closer!** _

Finally, you get your body to move, turning on your heel to run. You get only a few feet away before he grabs your arm tightly and tugs, making you stumble. You yank your arm back, but his grip tightens painfully as he hisses in your ear.

"No weird ass beasty boyfriend to save you now, huh? Now come with me and keep that damn trap shut."

You couldn't speak even if you wanted to, voice caught in your throat. You think quickly and as he starts to drag you, you drop yourself hard onto the ground.

He's pulled back as you drop and lets out a shout. People look towards him and some start to get out of their chairs.

Carl smiles and chuckles at them.

"Terribly sorry about this folks, my daughter isn't all there, ya' know?"

Everyone chuckles awkwardly and start to go back to sit down and Carl starts to yank on your arm again. You finally find your voice and start screaming.

"I'm not your damn daughter, you creep! Let me go! Let me go!"

Carl tsks at you and you want to punch him. As he speaks you try your best to kick him in the leg with your heeled boots.

"Now now, honey, lets not make a - **FUCK** \- _make a scene_."

He continued to drag you after you landed a square hit on his shin, glaring at you. 

Something inside you tells you to be still, and with full trust, you stop moving.

And the moment you stop moving, a giant cyan bone shoots out of the ground through your arm painlessly and into Carl's hand, who immediately lets go with a scream of pain.

You are picked up and held close by a very familiar bony arm.

"here's the thing, **C A R L** , she's not your 'honey', she's _**m i n e**_. and you'd do well to remember that."

You looked up to see Sans glaring at Carl with blank sockets, his smile much more strained that usual.

Around you, you heard people getting to their feet again and whispering amongst themselves louder. You glance to Carl who looks at the crowd nervously. Someone walks up to Sans, a rather large bear you recognized as the guy who always hung outside of Grillby's.

"Is something up, Sans?"

Sans chuckled, not taking his eyes off of Carl, holding you closer. You could hear a faint whisper of "play along" before Sans spoke louder to the bear.

"nothing much, freddy, just making sure the guy who tried to steal my girl last night knows his place."

Several more people got out of their seats and you could see several colors of magic being subtly summoned by many of the monsters. You saw Muffet leave the shop, storming towards Carl. She stopped a foot away from him, glaring up at him.

"Do I need to call Cupcake, **dearie**?"

At the mention of 'Cupcake', the same monstrous roar from the kitchen came again, along with a loud scuttling and banging, until the doors burst open and a creature that you can only describe as an evil faced cupcake with spider legs rounded the corner and sped to Muffet's side, clicking and hissing all the while.

Carl backed away as Cupcake licked its lips.

"I-I was just leaving..."

Muffet smiled wide, a row of very pointy teeth aimed at Carl as he ran off. 

"What a lovely idea! And don't **ever** come back."

As he ran, the other monsters all began to congratulate Sans loudly.

"About time you got a lay! It's been ages!"

"Do you mind sharing?"

"You're so cute with her! How long have you been together?"

Muffet shooed the questions away with a pair of hands.

"Now now, dearies, give them some space, they've only just come out with it to us, they need some privacy!"

Everyone eventually headed back to their seats as Cupcake wandered off and Muffet turned to both of you. 

"Well, that's a rather sour start to a date, sorry dearies."

You open your mouth, but Sans covers it and gives you a quick look before turning to Muffet.

"hey muff, you think we could get a 'private' booth? i, uh, need to _comfort_ my girl, if you catch my, uhh..."

Muffet grinned even wider, almost as if she had caught a rather juicy fly.

"Oh but of course, dearie! Just follow me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I mention Sans and Papyrus' sister and not name drop because I don't have a name for her (or her sister) yet?
> 
> Yes, yes I did
> 
> Again, hope you enjoy and please leave a comment! They feed the motivation!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the beginning to a rather big idea of mine! If you want to see what this Lust Sans looks like, chech out my Twitter at @/epickittymonst1 ! 
> 
> Also, please be aware that this fic will probably be a lot darker than my previous work. Not everything is planned out yet, but its looking like it will be pretty dark.
> 
> I hope you guys all enjoyed this and please leave a comment!


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